This is about the one thing that nearly everyone questions in both themselves and anyone they are in a relationship with (or may just know). It is the subject of speculation, gossip, introspection, questioning – it is discussed as belief or truth and it is neither. It is the dark cave, the strike of lightening, the crack of a whip or the steady push of time that may cause focus on this.
Tired of where you are, who you are with, the habits you have or the life you are in? Want more love, money, happiness, less stuff, more stuff – then you sound like you may need a change.
Change is constant – but what happens when it is the subject of desire? What happens when it is the subject forced upon us?
Change, when it relates to an individual’s behavior, actions, belief, interactions, character requires motivation. People get very comfortable and change requires energy. People are lazy yet restless – they want change but do nothing for it. In fact, most people live a safe, quiet live desiring change and avoiding change in it’s two forces. Change with an individual happens because of only one of two forces:
- Strong External Force
- Strong Internal Force
Either External or Internal Force
That may seem obvious, change is either caused by something that happens to you OR because you want it. Notice the other words; strong and force. Most people want some change, but there is just not enough strong force to energize the change.
If there is something that you want to change in your life, about you or the circumstances you are in, it will require effort.
Here are two extreme examples.
1. You are not looking for a change BUT something from the outside (external) happens in your life that will bring about the questions of yourself and your life. The loss of a loved one, the plane crash that you survive, a bus trip where you meet someone, the island that you are marooned upon – all of these can change your life course, habits, behaviors. Unpredictable, strong external forces are the single largest motivator for people to apply change in their life.
2. You are looking for change and you must gather up the energy to apply it. This is the harder – internally driven – change. For this, you will need to plan, plot, prepare, dream, struggle and sweat to bring about. Most people are lazy and do not do this type of change BUT in the end it is always worth it. This is the change where you train for long distance riding or mountaineering or where you decide to pursue dating in an active fashion. This may be where you desire to move to a new location (hoping to take advantage of the external force) BUT you will need to dump in lots of internal energy. A change of scene does not make a change of self.
The difference between Internal Change and External Change is that in the first you have a goal and objective to meet for yourself and life; and in the second, things happen to you that you can use to effect change. Sometimes you set out to make a change and get lucky with things happening that allow you the change more effectively, with less effort.
One last trick – you don’t get to control this in others, read about Control. BUT you do get to control how you perceive what is happening and how you respond to it. Make changes that are positive.